Why I Exercise

If exercising makes a woman look this relaxed and happy, why wouldn't she do it?

I've already documented how I started working out this time, and the amazing benefits I've found in exercise. But Charlotte (and indirectly MizFit) asked why I exercise; I'm taking this to mean why do I exercise now.

I started explaining why I exercise by writing about how other people react to my still exercising. After all, I have reached my goal weight. I have not reached my goal body composition.. yet they seem to think...Oh wait.. how others react is a completely different post for another day. Let me get back on track.

Why do I exercise?

1. Concentration and focus. After my foot surgery last year, I discovered that cardio exercise clears my head, and lets me focus (anesthesia brain sucks as badly as menopause brain. They are banished with the exercise for me). I can concentrate better and get more work done on the 3-5 hours after a workout than any other time in most days.

2. Mood Control. I suffer from anxiety, depression and insomnia. The chemical changes that occur in my brain when working out, and especially when I'm working hard, temper these moods to the point that I'm not running to the doctor for the next great medication. I take one (atavan or I don't sleep); and I'm hoping that someday this too can be decreased or banished from my medicine drawer.

3. Heart and Brain Health. The only two blood relatives of mine who didn't die of heart disease died of Alzheimer Disease. This is my daily nightmare. Yet most of the recent research shows that the same mechanisms cause both diseases (the individual body becomes more susceptible to one system or the other being attacked). One of the major ways of combating both diseases with a combination of cardio and weight training. Weight training can physically build a strong cardiovascular system and rebuild brain.

I say now that I'm working on my 40 year plan. I make choices daily based on whether they will help me live another 40 years. Exercise is one of the smartest and easiest parts of that decision process.

4. Self-Esteem. I have a crappy self-esteem. Abuse, both emotional and physical, has taken its toll on me. Standing up tall, arms strong and back, and knowing that I don't look like the "typical 55 year old post-menopausal American woman" gives me something I can hang some pride on. And even if I'm not feeling very esteemed.. I damn well LOOK like I do!

5. Something just for myself. When I head to the gym, I'm not going there to please anyone but myself. We ALL need activities that are purely selfish in nature. Things that we do because they center us. I don't care if we're male, female, busy mothers, factory workers or most of these rolled up in one. Exercising for me is "me time." I walk into the gym and close the door on the world.

So, like others, my exercise has little to do with body image issues. (well, except that I want people to admire my arms. Loudly. Publicly. Often.) There are body images involved in this whole thing some of which I hit upon when reading Zandria post about disordered eating. But once again, that's a post for another day.

So I'll pass the question along. Why do you exercise??
I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tags:

Bout Damn Time!

Finally.

Trainer Guido and I did the regular "weights and measures" thing today; I usually dread this because whatever success I've had on the weight loss side, I have never been able to get lean. The frustration and disappointment in Guido's voice has always made me dislike the whole exercise. Still it's valuable information for me to know. Important keys to what's going on with me.

Remember, even though I have been at my goal weight for 4 months now, these measurements have always shown that I was still not at a healthy lean body mass. We lost all my old records when I changed memberships at the gym (sigh.. I forgot to ask to get them printed out before they disappeared). When I started, though, I was at 160# and about52% body fat. That means I had about 83# of fat.

My current history only goes back to 1/31/08. At which time I weighed 124# with 31% body fat that works out to 38.3# of fat. That's when Guido switched by diet completely around emphasizing a lot more protein, fewer carbs and a bit more fat (most of it mono-unsaturated).

In the last few weeks everyone has mentioning to me that I'm looking better. Women mention it in the locker room; the few guy friends I know mention it while we're pushing weights. I've shrunk out my bras again. So I was actually looking forward to today.

And the results are in:

I've lost 2.8# of fat and built 3.3# of lean muscle while losing a total of 6" in body measurements.

And I'm finally down to 28.5% body fat. I'm in the healthy range for the first time in decades!

I'm aiming for something more like 24% so there's still work to be done, but I seem to be on the right path for this part of the journey.

Bout Damn Time!

To show how much I've changed in the past 18 months, I'm rewarding myself not with KFC or donuts but with a nice tall protein shake! And maybe a Guinness this evening.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tuesday Workout

I figure I'm going to blog some of these just incase I lose my workout notebook. Atleast I have something to refer back to. I did not weigh myself this morning.

Tuesday Workout:

Cardio: treadmill. 5 minute warm up (-3 degrees, 3.5 MPH) Medium intensity 10 minutes: 4 mph/ 8 degree incline; 15 minutes medium high: 4 mph, 15 degree incline. 5 minute cool down: -3 degrees, 3 mph.

Stretch legs and hips.

Floor work for core/stability/balance (2 sets):

Bridge with extended leg. (an old stand by)
Swiss ball: Reverse crunch to push up. 10 reps (3 sets!!)
Wall Squats: legs wide/ legs close arms at sides 15 reps each.
Step-Up to Platform (One foot) with military press.
Done as a circuit with a 30 second rest before repeating.

OK.. we had to do the step ups on a stool for weight lifting. It was padded. I was wearing the wrong shoes. IT WAS FRAKING HARD. I kept unbalancing and getting frustrated. Guido made me do 10 on each side anyway. It took a lot longer than we expected. I hated it. I told him I couldnot do it anymore. He STILL made me do it. It was probably good for me.

Leg Press. One leg. 10 reps on right leg/15 on left. 25#/35# Only bring in until knee is at 90 degrees; no acute angles today.

Bench Press. (modified: barbells angled, even with nipples, lower until elbows are just greater than 90 degrees. Press up.)

We ran out of time to do the unstable bench press sets along with this. (sigh) I was hoping for some one arm unstable bench presses where someone else told me what arm to use when. Maybe next time.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: week of 4/13

I finally thought I'd get my Tale of Scale piece worked out early in the week. I wonder if this means that by Thursday I'll be itching to share something else with you? (I hope so).

I noticed last week that I'm physically running outta gas during some of workouts. Let me tell you, lying on a bench with 2 20# hand weights resting on your belly, knowing you're going to press them over your body... and feeling your muscles seem shaky and weak is not the formula for confidence and success.

Seems like low blood sugar, so I guess I'm not timing my eating well enough. But wait.. aren't I supposed to be entering stages where my body is using the energy I have stored to complete these tasks? (Note to self: read that slow twitch/fast twitch information again. This time until you understand it).

Today I made sure I had a good lunch about 1.5 hours before my workout. And as I was pumping gas on the way to the gym, I snacked on an apple and a couple almonds. Pleased to report that the shakes did not appear.

I entered the gym thinking that I wouldn't do much cardio. Hah! I am so fickle! Instead of "not much" cardio, I went for some high-intensity interval training where I believe I determined my safe maximum heart rate. I'm not completely sure because at the point that I was killing, the heart rate monitor on the cross-track machine jumped from 150 up to 215 before settling down at a saner 165. One minute at that rate (lets pretend it was all 165) would be rated (by me) as a PE of 9 or 10. I could maintain that effort for one minute, two at the max.

Considering for my age the "prescribed maximum heart rate" for my age is 140, I will proudly say that I am aerobically about age 40! Now I have to remember to work to my potential and ignore those charts.

Sadly, after that point I let the mental defeated attitude take over too much of my workout. One of the tricks is to remember that our brains quick before our bodies do. The real secret to success is to push through when the brain is saying: NO, NO, NO. That's where change happens.

Today, when my brain would say: No, I was pretty much saying: OK. Worked out but did not work to failure or complete fatigue.

I let myself down.

This mental part of the workout is the hard thing for me. I need help with this. The fabulous trainer, Guido, hasn't been around for almost a month, or he would be coaching me through this, Instead, I'm on my own. And I will gladly take any suggestions offered.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: Resources

As I continue along my fitness journey, I'm finding it fun to look for information on my own. Haven't found the exactly what I want; but I've found enough to learn a few things and change up my individual workouts a bit.

What would be perfect? A workout template or workout plan that more closely corresponded with the workout I actually do.

Don't get me wrong, there are hundreds of workout plans online. I could choose to do many of them. However, most of the ones for women are designed to NOT use freeweights or cable machines. They are designed for workouts at home with light or no weights. The best of these workouts emphasize moves on a Swiss ball (exercise ball). Since 1/3 to 1/2 of each workout is floor work, at least I can pull on these for switching up some of my moves on the mat.

Other exercise templates are weight lifting plans. These appear (to me) to be designed for men who are working out to be buff and big. Yes, I can adjust these workouts by the weight I use, but it feels more intense than I normally want.

Since I'm not concentrating on my weight anymore, maybe I'll start detailing some of my workout plans. That way I can see when/where I need to change things up over time.

In the meantime, some inspiration for other women who are exercise fans:

Mizfit. She blogs fitness in a funny, honest fairly bad-ass way.

FitnessFixation. Lots of great information, but obscenity-rich text so be forwarned.

ExRx.com LOTS of information. Much of it for the professional, but also helpful.

Stumptuous. Serious weight lifting for women. I consume stumptuous.

Women's Health Magazine

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: Real World Workout

Every Saturday evening or Sunday morning, I plan out my week. What are my commitments, where do I need to go? How will I get 2 days rest in a row but not more?

That last one is more challenging than it sounds.

This week, I hit the gym on Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday morning, I contemplated heading into the gym; a simple walk around the house had my body complaining: Have you heard of rest, lady? With plans for Friday and Saturday, it looked like I would go three days without a workout.

That 3 day break makes me edgy. Actually, I worry about committing mayhem and murder. I could argue it's justifiability, but would a judge "get it"? "Your Honor, I just had to push something!! HARD!!!"

Fortunately, it is spring in Northern California and my garden needs some word done: beds need turning, plants need pruning, compost needs spreading, garden waste needs hauling. Yeah, this is steady-paced work, not the intensity of what I do in the gym.

Re-read that list of work: there is squatting, pushing, pulling. There is moving in all directions. There are challenges to limbs and the constant requirement to engage the core. Because it isn't as intense, I can work longer. Because it's not as intense, it doesn't feel like work.

Add sunshine to that. It's all good!

So until I've worked my way through all my spring chores, I'll be adding an almost daily dose of real-world working out to my plans. Wonder what this will do to those rest days?

also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: Move It or Give It Up

Note to the idiots in the gym:

A gym is a place to work out. That means you should be walking, running, biking, pushing, pulling, squatting, lunging or whichever verb you choose to use that indicated ACTION. Yes, there are rest periods between sets when you are not actually moving something. These rest periods, however, should last for only a minute or two. Most of the time you should be active.

A gym is also a place of finite resources. There are only so many benches, and fewer incline benches. There is only of each machine, and limited spaces on the cable bar machines. There are often only one set of dumb bells for each weight setting.

So the thoughtful and polite person respects that others work in the gym WITH them. The thoughtful person does not hog equipment. They use it or give it up.

I've seen several completely thoughtless people in the last couple weeks. I am wishing them completely frustration (or on a bad day a different punishment) because of their behavior.

Example #1. I wanted the 20# hand weights and I really wanted the incline bench. There are actually 2-3 set of these weights floating around the gym, but this particular day there was only one set back in the weight section. They were on the floor in front of an incline bench where a young woman was sitting resting her feet on the weights. She was using the bench as a chair; she was using the weights as a foot rest. She was using her phone.

I waited a bit on my flat bench, hoping she would either use the equipment or give it up. Finally I gave up, grabbed the 17.5# weights, reclined on the flat bench and got my workout in. When I finished, about 10 minutes later she was STILL sitting on the bench, feet on the weights playing with her phone. May she drop a weight and break her fingers.

Example #2: Occurred last week. This time I wanted the 15# weights and once again there was only 1 set on the entire floor. (how does this happen? Everyone uses the 15# weights! There are 3-4 sets of these yet they regularly seem to vanish). The couple using them as part of a complex set of movements had stopped to chat. And chat. And chat.

This time I asked if I could have while they visited; the woman agreed that they might stop talking and get back to their workout. She'd give me the 15# set when she finished. Instead, I grabbed the 20#ers.. and got my workout in with heavier weights than I'd intended to use. I completing my final set when walked over and placed the lighter weights down next me. Gee, thanks. I did use them later for some bicep curls, so I guess I'm happy I eventually got them!

Isn't it just common courtesy, though, to notice how you fit into a whole and make adjustments so that the everyone gets the most from limited resources?

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: week of 3/2

I spent the first weekend in March at the beach with some friends. Two long walks on Saturday, one on Sunday were great restoratives for soul and mind. They didn't do my legs any harms either.

Monday I did a simple leg workout on my own. I was a bit disappointed in myself; I set the weights at a level where it possible to do 3 sets of 15 reps on each machine. I was feeling the burn by the end of the 2nd and 3rd set, but I go through them. Which means I set the weights too light. I let myself off easy instead of challenging myself to go a bit further.

There is something about increasing weights that scares me. It makes my chest tighten and breathe catch. I don't trust myself. When I push through and accomplish something, I feel proud. Wish I could remember that emotion when I'm dithering with 30# or 35#?

When my confidence and trust in myself is low at all, it shows in my workout. The physical becomes a manifestation for the mental. Hmm.. Another way to attack my confidence issues.

My workout Wednesday with Guido was all stability and balance. I was a bit unhappy at the end, because my body didn't feel pushed to the limit. However, I'd begun the day feeling very raw and emotional and on the edge. The concentration involved in having to balance for the better part of an hour pushed my brain to another place. I was more focused when I left the gym.

Another piece of the puzzle. I know hitting the cardio HARD when I'm feeling that uncertainty and edginess helps, now I've got real memory that balance work can be a tool then, too. OK, I'm checking out the yoga classes!

As part of my Shake It Up challenge, I've had 2 workouts in the late afternoon this week. Today I'm surprising my body by showing up a day later, but less than 24 hours later. So far, all the effects of this have been mental and not physical. Still not a waste.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: Shakin' My Life Up

I am a creature of habit.

Sometimes I think it's my Germanic heritage (except that I'm only 50% Germanic); other times I think it's a lazy survival instinct. Or living with dogs (we all know how they love their routine). Hmm.. how many reasons can I find for living every day on autopilot?

I get out of bed at the same time every day. I spend an hour on the computer, then move through my morning routine. I eat about the same things for most meals, and about the same calories each day. I sit the same times, move the same times. I live in habit. I get very uncomfortable when this routine is disrupted. Mentally, I'm thrown off balance.

Now Guido has suggested that this off-balance living might be just what I need.

Frustrated with the slowness with which I'm melting off these last few percentages of fat, Guido has been talking to friends and colleagues trying to squeeze every drop of inspiration out to get something to change for me. The guy holds the highest expectations for me; he sees me working hard and things not changing. He's taking this plateau personally.

I suspect part of the problem is he is more invested in this than I am. I am satisfied with my weight at the moment and, though I would truly like to be a bit leaner, I just don't have the strong emotional investment to work really hard at it. I've told him this. I know I need to lose belly fat (and boob fat, please) which IS important to me for long-term health reasons. So I'm willing to go along with Guido's plans. I remember he has my best self in mind and I've learned to respect my better angels when they hope for my success.

So what is our latest plan to make a change? Shake up my routine. Eat more, eat less, eat at different times. Exercise earlier or later/ longer and shorter. Stand when I usually sit. Look at each step of the day in it's routine and see how I can change it.

It's like waking my body up from it's winters nap and reminding it that Life Happens and It Can't Get Comfortable With the Same Old-Same Old.

It will make my brain grow, my head ache and maybe make me more creative (well, that's a personal goal for me). It will put my body, soul and spirit in new places. It's all starting Sunday.

Come Shake It Up With Me!

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: Work and Rest

Rest.

Working out is equally about work and rest.

The work part seems fairly clear: head to the gym, sweat, push, balance, step, squeeze, hold, breathe. Work.

For the work part to be really successful, however, the body needs time to heal. That's called rest. I'm having a challenge with rest.

I get that rest = do not head to the gym. But there is so much to do in life that can challenge the concept of rest.

For example last Thursday. I had had a chest/legs workout Guido on Wednesday that was definitely challenging. (He was shocked when he grabbed the 12# weights for our bench press exercises and I admitted that I'd worked my way up to 20# all the time. I came to regret that admission.. but that's not this tale...), so Thursday was technically a rest day.

The weather outside was dry, sunny, pleasant. There was yard work to get done, specifically rotating out my compost bins. Now imagine a 50 gallon plastic barrel-shaped item filled with moist rotted leaved and fully rotted food. Or check out this blogpost that describes parts of the process.

I had rolled the Tumbler over to the perennial flower bed, tipped it over, and held on as wet rotted goodness inside started to pour out. I was bracing with my legs and using my arms to keep the composter from falling down the sloping part of the garden bed.

I felt every muscle I'd worked the day before and a few that I hadn't worked.

And I wondered how this fit into the idea of a rest day.

I continued to contemplate this dilemma.. how do get the work done that I need to do AND get my body the rest it needs between workouts... as I shoveled slightly rotted food and shredded paper from our "temporary holding bin" composter into the Tumbler. Again, feeling all those muscles being asked to work on a rest day.

I don't have an answer to this yet; but, I noticed I fell asleep about an hour or so earlier on both Wednesday and Thursday evening. Maybe my body has found the answer all on its own.

Rest.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: 2/2/08

Another week, with less weight!

No, not less weight on me, I'm still stable. We've discovered a rather dramatic muscle weakness/imbalance between my right/left leg that we're working on. And until I can use more weight with my left leg, I'm doing one legged exercises with very light weights.

This imbalance (and the subsequent pain/ muscle tightness)goes pretty far to explain my back pain, leg pain on the left side. Getting this addressed will be a major step forward for me. We didn't discover this problem earlier in our sessions because my core was so unstable and weak overall that we never tried one sided strength exercises on my legs before. We've done them for several months with my shoulders.. and the results have been dramatic. Here's hoping for the same results in a different body part.

I've also been told to change up my workout for a while:

1. only come into the gym 3 days a week. Getting lots of time to rest and heal and not over train my body. I'm not sure I agree with this and will see if I can get a full body workout plus balance and flexibility work this schedule. I know it is not wise to ignore the advise of one's trainer, but I grew to really cherish my 4 days in the gym.

That, and I don't pay for hot water for the showers there!

2. Oddly. Do the same cardio machine for 2 weeks, then change to a different one for two weeks, then change to another. Always getting two weeks on one item. I've been changing up every time I'm in there: one day hill routine on treadmill, next time speed and endurance on the elliptical, next time intervals on the crosstrack. Shoot. The lines for the cardio machines had better start getting shorter soon (the January resolution crowd is packing those machines even at 11 am!) or I will be touch and go about getting a machine of my choosing.

3. Go to less weight and work much slower, concentrating on perfect form and often challenging the whole body. Like slow food and slow craft, this is a change to slow movement. I found the workout as challenging as higher weights and faster movement, so we'll see what the results are on my body: less post-exercise soreness? less strain on soft tissue (tendons and ligaments)? more overall stability?

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: w.o. 1/13

I had my annual physical last week, where I aced my stress test and general exam. Heart beat, blood pressure.. all looked well. Then I got the bloodwork result. NOT. HAPPY.

I'm eating healthier than I ever have before. Fresh veggies every day every day; fresh fruits, whole grains. Few if any simpler carbs. Animal flesh just a couple times a week.. fish mostly, with some chicken added. Rarely anything fried.

(I'm discovering that the times I'm easiest on my eating (least attentive) is when I'm out eating with others. Fried foods? Sure sound good! Beef or pork? Sure, why not? I have to practice asking waitresses: What would you recommend that's vegetarian without any dairy? And see what they recommend. I also need to learn how to ask this without sounding petulant and put out.)

Back to the blood work. I'm eating healthy and exercising hard 4 times a week. The other days I'm at least out walking the dogs. Yet the blood work shows that I'm less healthy (at this specific time, at this specific test... yes, I get that) than I was a year ago. When I was 40# heavier and out of shape.

My cholesterol has risen almost 15 points in 6 months and is 2 points away from being high (it's 198). For a woman with my family history, my blood cholesterol should be under 180 to prevent heart disease. I work out and eat carefully primarily to get this number low.

My blood sugar was marginally high.

Today I feel like I've been working hard for a year, have made dramatic changes in the way I eat and in the one area where I truly want to see improvement, instead I saw failure. The doctor is not concerned, suggesting stress and the holidays. We'll see in 6 months at my next test. My trainer is unconcerned at the this point too (but my weights and measures aren't being done until next week. We'll see what he thinks then.)

Maybe I'm just expecting too much of myself. Being to hard on myself. I don't know. I got those results and cried for an hour.

Oh, and if you're wondering... YES most of what's happening in my liver (and blood tests) is genetic. Every member of my family has died of heart disease or alzheimer's disease. They are discovering that these two may have the same cause and simply have different "trigger" spots. So I'm angry at my genes and working hard to overcome them.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: 1/7/08

My doctor's visit showed a fasting weight of 122.5#. Close enough to my goal weight that I'm happy with it. From this point onward, I'm not commenting on my weight unless there is something happening that week that makes it important. The weight loss part of my fitness movement is OVER.

I'm going back to working with my trainer, so one of the first things we'll do is the weight and measure thing. I'm curious to see what my measurements are and a little curious to see the fat to lean ratio. Curious, but that's all.

I've spent a lot of time this past week working on a fitness article for BlogHer: When I Believe, I Can. I'm not going to republish it here, though. Just let it sit pretty where it lives today. But, please, go read it.

The end of this month a companion piece will join it: Rediscovering Deb. That piece will be about the emotional changes that have taken place because of the physical changes.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: Week of 12/16

Weight: the same. Inspite of 5 holiday parties last week!

Thank God I'm almost done with my self-imposed 3 months without a trainer! Although I've learned things these past weeks, I am so over it!!

What I've learned:

I can make appointments with myself and honor them. Whenever I've planned on going to the gym, I have gone. First time anxiety has completely disappeared.

I can make myself do tasks even when I don't want to, if I've written them down and committed to them. I plan a week's worth of workouts, so I'm not flailing around at the last minute searching for something to do. Even when my heart, mind and concentration isn't into it, I follow my plan. (Can we just call me a good German girl??). I wonder if I can extend this into other parts of my life?

I have assessed my workouts and increased weights when appropriate.

Now the down sides:

I don't like taking classes any more than I used to. Nope. Just not a workout class type. While this is OK, it seems that without taking classes, I won't be making/meeting a workout buddy in the gym. And a workout buddy would be so much fun!!

I have no imagination in planning my workouts. I'm basically doing what I was doing 3 months ago. And I've bored myself near to tears.

While working with Guido, we were moving toward more and more unstable exercises (working the core all the time), as I've worked by myself I've moved to more stable and safe. Again, boring!

It's harder to coordinate schedules with friends to workout together than one would expect. Minnie.. let me know when Jack (it is Jack, right?) can go into daycare, so I can call you!

This fitness thing is still not a part of my "normal" lifestyle, yet! If I did not go into a gym for 2 weeks, I could probably stop going in altogether. This shocks me every time I realize it.

While I've change the way I eat over the past year, when I get lazy and don't plan I fall back on old habits. Not a shock, I've been working on the work-out thing even longer and I just admitted that that's not ingrained yet. I feel better when I eat the way I wish to (fruit, veggie, whole grain based diet with just a little animal flesh...), but I'm not yet thinking this way. It's a whole different level of habit!

My health and fitness is still a work in progress. And I still need help along the way. I made a change in my membership at the gym, which gave me 5 sessions with a trainer. Can't wait until January to start putting them to use!

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: Dec. 5

This week Guido and I finally got a body fat analysis done. Yeah, I'm done with carrying for this month, but the numbers showed that I am not done forever. I've just gotten a vacation.

I've lost 30#. But I've only lost 22# of fat. And my body-fat composition is still at 34% which puts me on the borderline between healthy and unhealthy fat level. Damn, I'm frustrated. And completed confused.

I admit that I cannot figure out on my own how to change anymore. I placed responsibility for coming up with a plan squarely in Guido's lap. And I've given myself permission to consider consulting a nutritionist sometime after the first of year.

Yes, I look much better than I did a year ago. Yes, I've been successful. But, as my physician has pointed out to me: the fat that remains (it's all around my middle) is the fat that will kill me. And it's gotta go.

On a brighter note: I am getting to gym my 4 days a week, and working out for about 1.5 hours each time. So I've gotten the exercise part of this life change down pat. I wondered if I would continue this, if it IS a part of my life and will continue to be. While I have times that I think I could walk away from the gym and never miss it, those times are getting fewer and fewer.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: 11/28

Weight: I am at my goal weight of 120# on my home scale. Ofcourse the gym scale (accurate) is 6# pounds higher. But it's also I've had 2 meals, 2 cups of coffee and about 3 glasses of water. Those things add up. My choice last week was to stop carrying what that scale said.

Haven't had my talk with Guido yet (he called in sick today), but I foresee us butting head on whether I'm actually "off" the weight loss track or not. I appreciate that he sees his role as encouraging me to be the best me I can be. Honestly, I've come a lot further than I ever thought I would. I think I've come further than he expected me to. But he expects me to be 120# on his scale. And I'm just not that invested in doing that work anymore.

Worked out today, but my head wasn't much in it. It was sufficient.. I'm going to feel it. It wasn't kick-ass.

And today, even that is OK with me.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: 11/21

weight: 124#

Next Wednesday I meet Guido for a weigh-in and measures. He doesn't know it yet, but it will be the last time we do this for tracking my weight loss. Whatever the numbers say, this is the end.

I am not giving up on eating healthy.

I am not giving up on exercise hard.

I am not giving up on posting "tales of the scale".

I am giving up trying to figure out a what is a mystery to me that nobody seems able to help me with. I am giving up in frustration and anger. But I am giving up.

I eat a very healthy diet: a breakfast of steel-cut oats with soymilk and fruit; a lunch of salad and soup, or rice and veggies, or whole-grain bread and turkey; a similar supper occasionally with 3-5 oz. of lean protein added. I snack on fresh fruits and the occasional whole grain snack (crackers or the rare popcorn).

My "goal" portions are 60% carbs (200gr), 22% protein (74gr), and 18% fat(27gr). Half-way through the day I am always way too low on the carbs and nearing 100% on the fat. I add a food that to me should be all carbs and fiber... did you know if you eat a large apple or a large banana it has 1 gram of fat?

Nobody has been able to answer my specific question: how do I get enough carbs in my diet (and make them palatable...) without getting too much fat in my diet? That healthy looking oatmeal and silk milk? 6 grams of fat.. 1/3rd of what I'm allowed in a day and I didn't add any fat to the meal. We're talking Bob's Red Mill Oatmeal and Silk Unsweetened Soymilk! Add a banana to that and I'm doomed!

Anyway, I've reached my breaking point. And not for the first time. This is the very worst time of year for me (can I please just hybernate until the first football game begins on New Year's Day?), and I just don't need to beat myself up about trying to solve this by myself.

I need somebody to write out a plan I will use that answers my question. I know it must be some small tweak, but I'm tired of trying to do this alone. I have lost nearly 40# by making minor tweaks in my diet and by working hard. I'm not as lean as I could be, but at this point it's either going to happen naturally or it's not.

Because I'm done.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: Letting Go of Messages

Weight: going up and down a couple pounds so my body's having fun! Perfectly normal.

Working out: I'm getting 3-4 good workouts a week. These are 1.5 hour workouts with cardio, stretching/stability and weight training each. I even put in a good workout when I don't feel like it. So this part is stuck, too.

I've been thinking this week about the messages I received from my parents; the messages I've been really fighting to overcome this year:

I am unloveable.
I am not important because I am female.
I should settle for what I can get easily.
As long as I'm NOT UNHAPPY, I should be satisfied.
Economic security is the most important factor in a job or relation.
If I don't get what I want, it's because I aimed too high.

A few weeks ago, I requested a workshop group stand between me and these negative thoughts. I really didn't have time to fight them and get the work done I needed. As odd it might sound, about the time that the group would have been given the request, the messages quieted.

And they stayed quiet until this week.

I know part of what allowed these messages back in my head is knowing that this week is the anniversary of my mother's death. I don't remember the exact day; and I'm not sure of the exact year. I think it was 5 years ago. I know her funeral was the day that Dr. Romano was killed in the helicopter crash on ER. THAT I remember.

My mother had advanced Alzheimers and lived years longer than she would have wanted. Her death was a blessing. And as the author of many of those messages in my head, she wasn't the loving supporting maternal spirit that others mourn when they lose a parent.

So I'm back to acting in ways that will prove these past messages wrong; and replacing these messages with more positive ideas. It's as exercising as the work I do in the gym.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: 11/5/07

Weight: 126#. Finally some movement.

I am getting close to my target, but I don't know exactly what it is. It's somewhere around 120#.

It's between 1/3 and 1/2 of the healthy BMI for my size per my doctor's request; he believes a lean body will keep my blood pressure and cholesterol at low enough levels that cardio-vascular disease should not develop. Physical and blood tests scheduled for early January for final assessment.
For Guido, the goal is some target blend of lean body mass and fat. I don't recall, nor do I know for sure, that we've ever picked anything like a firm number. I get weighed and measured at the end of this month (a mid-way check in for the time I'm working on my own). I'll get details then.

I am doing well at making regular appointments with myself at the gym. I plan my workouts for the entire week and regularly kick my butt in workouts. Other members (and a couple trainers) compliment me on my work ethic. (OK, nobody has ever complimented me on my work ethic before. Now I'm working on transferring this attitude out into other parts of my life). The only part of my "plan" that I haven't embraces yet is the "shaking up my routine" part. No group classes yet.

Sunday was a difficult day in the gym. Every exercise I did, I had to cut back on the weight level in order to complete it. It's probably adjusting to the time change, or maybe I didn't eat well enough. Doesn't matter.

I didn't feel like working; I wasn't getting my normal great "buzz" from the workout. It was a challenge to finish each move. But finish I did. When I got to the point where I could choose to do another exercise (I usually write one or two optional finishers) or stop, I stopped. Actually, I got back on the elliptical and gave myself 10 more minutes of hard cardio work. Then I stopped.

Working when it wasn't working is a new experience for me. Glad I faced it down in an honorable way.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: 10/28

I'm getting really tired of saying that there hasn't been any weight loss. There are lots of reasons (or are they excuses?)... but still, it's getting weary. I think I've lost 2 pounds since August! Still, I've had to go down a size in jeans, though I'd be happier to going down a little more through the torso and bust and keeping the jeans the same.

I know, you're asking if I'm sticking to the flexitarian diet I kind of adopted about a month ago. Truthful answer: not as religiously as I should. And, yes, that is part of it.

BUT...

Last week I was out and about living LIFE and didn't watch what I was eating as closely as I should have. Both in what I ate (there were these fabulously delish cupcakes at She's Geeky.. and wine!) and in the small but frequent meals. I also noticed too many times that I was a bit dehydrated. All things that will keep the scale stuck.

Also... last week I had a coming-and-going back ache which resulted in only hitting the gym 2 days instead of the normal four. Finally realized that the stability exercises I haven't been doing are exactly the ones that stopped this back ache last year. Today I returned to the gym and did them all in three strong sets. I'm feeling better already.

Plan for this week:

Monday: Cardio. Upper body workout.
Tuesday: Rest. Do stability exercises at home.
Wednesday: Cardio. Lower body/balance workout.
Thursday: Cardio. Heavy Weights Upper body workout.
Friday: rest
Saturday: rest

I'm home all week, so I should be able to get back on track with the food choices. (it's so much easier when there isn't temptation in front of me).

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.