Zodiak-Wacky: December

Phyllis Firak-Mitz has presented me me with yet another interesting monthly prediction:

Cancer (June 22nd – July 22nd)
“Most Cancers don’t recover well from brazen fights. They can be deeply wounded and sent into hiding in their shells indefinitely. Sidestep heated rages and instead express the deeper feeling underneath your anger. When Cancer understands you’re feeling misery or vulnerability they’ll rise to the occasion and start comforting you.” p. 95

YOU: This December is about YOU: You and your image, You and your Relationships, You and your Work. Even if those around you seem more important or dominant, You are still in the driver’s seat. So keep standing up for yourself and asserting your preferences. And remember: a little negotiation never hurt anybody. Look for win-wins.

YOUR IMAGE is still transforming as Mars retrograding in your sign encourages you to express even more of your personal power. It’s an excellent time for self- promotion and taking more risks with your physical image. Let your sex appeal and confidence shine! Mars can also help you elevate your social image, as it supports your being assertive and proactive. Just be careful to avoid letting Mars’ irritability take hold: It can rile you into unnecessary conflicts and ultimatums, especially during the holidays. Hint: If you find yourself irked this December, ask yourself what you really want and go for that that. Fighting with or trying to destroy what you don’t want might not be as productive.

RELATIONSHIPS are also extremely active and intense, especially after the 19th when Jupiter, the planet of expansion, enters your relationship arena. This is a big deal! Jupiter’s fortunate vibration will help you to attract remarkable people and partners into your life over the coming 12 months. So bring on the charm! This expansive energy can also work to bring a significant relationship to a crossroads late December, as it can intensify any differences between you and others. Growing with the new dynamics stirring between you and others can ultimately be more satisfying than trying to hold on to “what used to be” You are changing and your relationships are changing, too – run with it! But should an alliance want to grow in a different direction than you want to it might be time to let them go.

LOVE can be made sweeter and sexier, as Venus adds her amorous energy to your love life. She’ll heighten your attractiveness all month, but especially so December 12th, 16th-19th.

WORK may also hit a powerful peak this December. Much of what you’ve been working towards might be coming to a head, albeit in a way that surprises you a little. Good things can unfold, but you might have to make some adjustments as they do, especially from the 19th on. Your coworkers and employees might be changing as well.

CONTACTS, COMMUNICATION, TRAVEL are highlighted too, as you may be making more serious decisions and conducting important conversations. You might need to use flexibility in your communications and travel, though, especially the 6th-11th as circumstances outside of your direct control might alter your plans. Don’t worry and don’t rush: with a little persistence, you can find great, workable solutions.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: 11/28

Weight: I am at my goal weight of 120# on my home scale. Ofcourse the gym scale (accurate) is 6# pounds higher. But it's also I've had 2 meals, 2 cups of coffee and about 3 glasses of water. Those things add up. My choice last week was to stop carrying what that scale said.

Haven't had my talk with Guido yet (he called in sick today), but I foresee us butting head on whether I'm actually "off" the weight loss track or not. I appreciate that he sees his role as encouraging me to be the best me I can be. Honestly, I've come a lot further than I ever thought I would. I think I've come further than he expected me to. But he expects me to be 120# on his scale. And I'm just not that invested in doing that work anymore.

Worked out today, but my head wasn't much in it. It was sufficient.. I'm going to feel it. It wasn't kick-ass.

And today, even that is OK with me.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: 11/21

weight: 124#

Next Wednesday I meet Guido for a weigh-in and measures. He doesn't know it yet, but it will be the last time we do this for tracking my weight loss. Whatever the numbers say, this is the end.

I am not giving up on eating healthy.

I am not giving up on exercise hard.

I am not giving up on posting "tales of the scale".

I am giving up trying to figure out a what is a mystery to me that nobody seems able to help me with. I am giving up in frustration and anger. But I am giving up.

I eat a very healthy diet: a breakfast of steel-cut oats with soymilk and fruit; a lunch of salad and soup, or rice and veggies, or whole-grain bread and turkey; a similar supper occasionally with 3-5 oz. of lean protein added. I snack on fresh fruits and the occasional whole grain snack (crackers or the rare popcorn).

My "goal" portions are 60% carbs (200gr), 22% protein (74gr), and 18% fat(27gr). Half-way through the day I am always way too low on the carbs and nearing 100% on the fat. I add a food that to me should be all carbs and fiber... did you know if you eat a large apple or a large banana it has 1 gram of fat?

Nobody has been able to answer my specific question: how do I get enough carbs in my diet (and make them palatable...) without getting too much fat in my diet? That healthy looking oatmeal and silk milk? 6 grams of fat.. 1/3rd of what I'm allowed in a day and I didn't add any fat to the meal. We're talking Bob's Red Mill Oatmeal and Silk Unsweetened Soymilk! Add a banana to that and I'm doomed!

Anyway, I've reached my breaking point. And not for the first time. This is the very worst time of year for me (can I please just hybernate until the first football game begins on New Year's Day?), and I just don't need to beat myself up about trying to solve this by myself.

I need somebody to write out a plan I will use that answers my question. I know it must be some small tweak, but I'm tired of trying to do this alone. I have lost nearly 40# by making minor tweaks in my diet and by working hard. I'm not as lean as I could be, but at this point it's either going to happen naturally or it's not.

Because I'm done.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Wishing...

If you could wave a magic wand and have one wish granted (no matter what it was), what would you wish for??

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: Letting Go of Messages

Weight: going up and down a couple pounds so my body's having fun! Perfectly normal.

Working out: I'm getting 3-4 good workouts a week. These are 1.5 hour workouts with cardio, stretching/stability and weight training each. I even put in a good workout when I don't feel like it. So this part is stuck, too.

I've been thinking this week about the messages I received from my parents; the messages I've been really fighting to overcome this year:

I am unloveable.
I am not important because I am female.
I should settle for what I can get easily.
As long as I'm NOT UNHAPPY, I should be satisfied.
Economic security is the most important factor in a job or relation.
If I don't get what I want, it's because I aimed too high.

A few weeks ago, I requested a workshop group stand between me and these negative thoughts. I really didn't have time to fight them and get the work done I needed. As odd it might sound, about the time that the group would have been given the request, the messages quieted.

And they stayed quiet until this week.

I know part of what allowed these messages back in my head is knowing that this week is the anniversary of my mother's death. I don't remember the exact day; and I'm not sure of the exact year. I think it was 5 years ago. I know her funeral was the day that Dr. Romano was killed in the helicopter crash on ER. THAT I remember.

My mother had advanced Alzheimers and lived years longer than she would have wanted. Her death was a blessing. And as the author of many of those messages in my head, she wasn't the loving supporting maternal spirit that others mourn when they lose a parent.

So I'm back to acting in ways that will prove these past messages wrong; and replacing these messages with more positive ideas. It's as exercising as the work I do in the gym.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Singing for Pure Joy

I've been spending the last 6 weeks in OLLI workshops for writing and singing. Yesterday was our last workshop, which was followed by a "gathering" of all the participants to share some of their work.

I LOVE my singing class. I walk around singing the songs every day. So why was it yesterday I suddenly developed "stupid" and kept forgetting either the words or the melody?

Brain farts in front of an audience were thankfully covered by the presence of 15 other singers... half of which were suffering the same brain farts as me. Still I don't think the audience thought much more than we were just learning the songs (true).

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: 11/5/07

Weight: 126#. Finally some movement.

I am getting close to my target, but I don't know exactly what it is. It's somewhere around 120#.

It's between 1/3 and 1/2 of the healthy BMI for my size per my doctor's request; he believes a lean body will keep my blood pressure and cholesterol at low enough levels that cardio-vascular disease should not develop. Physical and blood tests scheduled for early January for final assessment.
For Guido, the goal is some target blend of lean body mass and fat. I don't recall, nor do I know for sure, that we've ever picked anything like a firm number. I get weighed and measured at the end of this month (a mid-way check in for the time I'm working on my own). I'll get details then.

I am doing well at making regular appointments with myself at the gym. I plan my workouts for the entire week and regularly kick my butt in workouts. Other members (and a couple trainers) compliment me on my work ethic. (OK, nobody has ever complimented me on my work ethic before. Now I'm working on transferring this attitude out into other parts of my life). The only part of my "plan" that I haven't embraces yet is the "shaking up my routine" part. No group classes yet.

Sunday was a difficult day in the gym. Every exercise I did, I had to cut back on the weight level in order to complete it. It's probably adjusting to the time change, or maybe I didn't eat well enough. Doesn't matter.

I didn't feel like working; I wasn't getting my normal great "buzz" from the workout. It was a challenge to finish each move. But finish I did. When I got to the point where I could choose to do another exercise (I usually write one or two optional finishers) or stop, I stopped. Actually, I got back on the elliptical and gave myself 10 more minutes of hard cardio work. Then I stopped.

Working when it wasn't working is a new experience for me. Glad I faced it down in an honorable way.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.