Dealing

It happened again last night. It was our weekly get-together where we are supposed to be able to share our weeks.. brag, complain, explain. Where the others should listen, sympathize and care. I've said it before. Several of the women there want (and get) attention when they are telling their tales; when I try to share my life (which is as different from theirs as their lives are from mine), they turn to small private conversations and dismiss anything I have to say.

I sat quietly last night through a rant about stupid (and illegal) things a co-worker was saying; and through a (too long) discussion of the problem one woman had at work last week that made her angry enough to cry. I GET it, I GOT it, but she went on. I tried to move the discussion along:

"I'm sorry you had a bad week, because mine was so good..." Gee, in any setting I've been in, this would be where a caring person, a friend, would says: Oh, I'd love to hear about it.

Nope. "It wasn't a bad week, it was just this bad day." and probably more about it with a strong signal that she didn't give a fuck about what my week entailed. Later in the evening, when another gal showed up and asked me about my conference, the others again turned their backs and started up a private conversation.

And they wonder why I'm reluctant to participate in weekend retreats and things. Survey most of the women there, I'll bet they can't tell you one thing about the conference I attended. Nor my excitement at just contemplating video blogging...

Hmm. I'm going to trying to cut down on the negative energy around me (not gossiping, not feeling sorry for myself, not doing the negative). These evenings might be a real challenge...

I need to make some new friends who actually care and are willing to listen.

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Tale of the Scale: 10/28

I'm getting really tired of saying that there hasn't been any weight loss. There are lots of reasons (or are they excuses?)... but still, it's getting weary. I think I've lost 2 pounds since August! Still, I've had to go down a size in jeans, though I'd be happier to going down a little more through the torso and bust and keeping the jeans the same.

I know, you're asking if I'm sticking to the flexitarian diet I kind of adopted about a month ago. Truthful answer: not as religiously as I should. And, yes, that is part of it.

BUT...

Last week I was out and about living LIFE and didn't watch what I was eating as closely as I should have. Both in what I ate (there were these fabulously delish cupcakes at She's Geeky.. and wine!) and in the small but frequent meals. I also noticed too many times that I was a bit dehydrated. All things that will keep the scale stuck.

Also... last week I had a coming-and-going back ache which resulted in only hitting the gym 2 days instead of the normal four. Finally realized that the stability exercises I haven't been doing are exactly the ones that stopped this back ache last year. Today I returned to the gym and did them all in three strong sets. I'm feeling better already.

Plan for this week:

Monday: Cardio. Upper body workout.
Tuesday: Rest. Do stability exercises at home.
Wednesday: Cardio. Lower body/balance workout.
Thursday: Cardio. Heavy Weights Upper body workout.
Friday: rest
Saturday: rest

I'm home all week, so I should be able to get back on track with the food choices. (it's so much easier when there isn't temptation in front of me).

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Writing Prompt: Write about a first memory

Gravity

I am wordless but I know. Below me the floor is yellow squares with dark lines. I sit twisted in my chair staring. Staring down.

I am wordless but I know down and I want to know what down is. The food falls off my spoon, slips through my fingers, escapes my chair and goes down. I know down is different. It is different than my spoon, further than my fingers, separate from this chair. Something in down changes food from from blank to blank. I don't know what the change is, but I recognize that it occurs.

I am wordless yet I know this change. Over and over food goes down and becomes changed upon the yellow below.

I am wordless still, yet I have discovered gravity.

One of our writing prompts this week is to write our first memory of one of the elements. Haven't done that yet; but, it reminded me of my very earliest memory. I was quite young, this was before I had language. So at what age do kids get fascinated with throwing things from their high chairs onto the floor?

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

In Honor of An Anniversary...

I've been blogging about my workouts with my trainer for a year today. (Happy Anniversary, Guido! Guess who's giving me a free workout today to celebrate!)) This weekend I was pointed to two rather different blog posts about women and workingn out. Both are brilliant in very different ways:

Jon Gilson of a CrossFit Boston, wrote an Ode to Women that was reposted by Nicole Okumu at CrossFit Oakland:

Beauty

An excerpt:

Beautiful women are strong and powerful. They are athletes, capable of every feat under the sun. They have muscles, borne of hard work and sweat. They gauge their self-worth through accomplishments, not by the numbers on the bathroom scale. They understand that muscle weighs more than fat, and they love the fact that designer jeans don’t fit over their well-developed quads.

Go read the whole thing. If it doesn't make you want to be a beautiful woman nothing will. (Yes, Guido thinks I'm beautiful...)

On a totally different track, Kristy Sammis (a fellow BlogHer Babe) wrote the most hysterical post about her first workout with a personal trainer. Sorry. No way in hell that I can excerpt this and do it justice.

One tip: make sure you pee first.. or, well, you'll be sorry...

Balls of Death.

n.b. You must be completely honest with your trainer to get the best results. Today was "heavy weights" day for my arms, and I admitted that I glad Guido would be working with me as I was a bit scared of doing it on my own. Being the good trainer, he then made me go it alone. It's what I want to accomplish during this 3 month period. I didn't argue; just went on and did my workout.

Let me tell ya, I kicked my own butt today. And it feels great (in an "I worked my arms to within a pound of completely failure and survived" kind of way.)

I also blog at: A Stitch In Time throughout the week and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

Ghosts and Phoenixes

When I woke up this morning, my very first thought was: how can I talk myself out of going to the gym today? (sigh). An old habit that I thought I'd vanquished was only sitting in my mental closet like a monster waiting for the lights to go out to re-emerge. I greeted this demon with a growling "good morning, and get the f#@^ outta my head!" and started trying to figure out where my resistance really existed. OK, for one second I let myself imagine not hitting the gym today. I'm human.

While sipping my first cuppa, my horoscope for today read:

Are you making the same old choices again? Stop being timid. Drop the past and let it fade back. The future will be more fun than you think.

Alrighty then! It's amazing how often KT can read my mind and tell me what I need to hear.

I think (and it's only a think at this point), that what I really want to do is try to insure that I'm working out when Guido isn't there. Really be on my own. Because I know he'll be lurking in the background making sure I'm not screwing up, but not wanting to do so either. Not that I haven't done workouts on my own before; and I've ignored Guido's presence in the gym while doing those.

But today is that FIRST. That first time being responsible. That pattern-setting, success-making time. (jeez, can I put more pressure on myself for just one workout? It's only a work out, gal!) And I need to break the habit of thinking that he's involved in this workout thing.

My whole mood changed while I was exfoliating. I desperately want to work out my biceps and triceps. Scrubbing my thighs, I want to work those quads and hamstrings too. But I really, really, really, really want to work those biceps. I'm even wearing a sleeveless tank in bright white to show them off. Arms: they're the older woman's equivalent of the great rack when you're in your 20s. Saggy boobs can only be fixed by surgery; flabby arms are under my control.

Screw anything else! I'm off to the gym!

Edit from next day: It worked! I showed up while Guido on lunch, and did a kick-ass work-out. One of the trainers told me my trainer would be proud. I responded: My trainer is already proud of me! What's more important is that I'm proud of myself!


I also blog at A Stitch in Time and BlogHer on Saturdays and Mondays.

Going It Alone

Always do what you are afraid to do. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Weight: 123# at home; 128# at the gym.

With permission from Emerson, I am doing a small thing that I'm a bit afraid to do: Today marks the first day of 3 months working out on my own.

I know many - in fact most - people work out by themselves. They get into the gym, they know which days they work on back or legs or shoulders. They have their routines. I'm not doing anything that remarkable when you look at it really.

I'm betting on myself. This break is a test for me that extends beyond workouts, beyond eating correctly, beyond physical stability. Besides getting physically lazy over the last few years (or decades?), I've gotten mentally lazy. I given up responsibility for my actions, I've slacked off. My goals for these three months are very specific:

Make 4 appointments with myself a week and honor them. No "it's too wet", "I'm too tired" or the universal "I have too much to do..." excuses to dishonor myself this way. Not anymore.

Mix things up. Take a couple group classes (yoga, aquacize, maybe even a power pump class); maybe visit a friend or two at their gyms and work out with them. Do something just a bit different. And maybe make a friend or two along the way, as this seems to be the way that women in the gyms build their social networks. By doing something a little different, I'll come back to training with a whole new perspective!

Don't let myself off easy. When I started working out, it was normal for me to quit an exercise early. I was bored, I was sore, I didn't like it. I could talk myself out of working every 5 minutes. This will be the real test of this quarter. When I plan to go to the gym, I write down a workout plan, including probable weight levels and goals for reps. I include one thing that I don't really like to do in each workout. For the next 3 months, it won't be Guido telling me that I can't quit yet; it will be me. And I'll be a stronger character for working through this.

When I shared this with Guido, he finally understood that I was choosing goals that could not be accomplished by working with him. He's endorsing my plan and will be standing on the sidelines still cheering me on. (He is, after all, still my corner man!) We'll check in with each other every couple weeks to make sure we're both OK.

With me within 10 pounds of my final weight loss goal, I'm fully expecting to reach it during this solo time. That will be another milestone.

I also blog at A Stitch in Time and BlogHer on Saturdays and Mondays.

Words are also actions, and actions are a kind of words. Ralph Waldo Emerson

While reading my KSR trilogy, one of the characters constantly refers to an unfortunately non-existent website/email messaging system that offers a quote of the day from either Emerson or Thoreau. I like many of the quotes offered, so for while I'll be trying to find quotes in a similar way to begin posts.

Saturday:

Besides blogging and publishing my article for BlogHer, spend 15-30 minutes working on writing exercises from my workshop.

Sweep tile floors, mop floor in kitchen.

Clean upper cabinets in kitchen while watching baseball games. Empty, sort, de-grease with ammonia, line when appropriate, and refill.

Dinner: a TJs boxed Indian dinner over brown rice, mixed salad. Dessert: grapes.

I also blog at A Stitch in Time and BlogHer on Saturdays and Mondays.

Tale of the Scale: 10/2/07

There was an every so slight weight loss; not enough to actually report on.

In getting ready to go off on my own for 3 months, Guido asked me to come up with a list of questions, which we went over this morning. Lots of workout information out there online; lots of it doesn't apply to me apparently. So we checked form on a few items and he kept emphasizing his: while you are still in your weight-loss phase of exercise..

Just because I can, I went back and found my post from our first workout. It almost exactly a year ago (10.16.06). I spent 10 minutes on the treadmill at 2.5 MPH and a 5% incline and thought that was tough. We did stability moves for the rest of the half hour. I barely had energy to walk to my car, and I was sore for 2 days afterward. I weighed 158.5#.

Now I do 45 minutes on the treadmill hill program at it's highest setting (7-15% inclines) at 3.8 MPH. I've moved on to advance levels of the stability moves and added a few new ones. I've move from using weight machines to using free weights and cable resistance systems. I work out an average of 90 minutes 4-5 times a week, and feel better when I'm done than when I walk in.

I'm still often sore for a day or two afterwards, but I've learned to appreciate the sore. Sore = Strong. And today while we were doing a heavy weight workout, I benched pressed 22.5# (in each hand) for the time ever! I'm anticipating a sore that will hit in about 2 hours and last for a day or so...

I also blog at A Stitch in Time and BlogHer on Saturdays and Mondays.